Reeferganda
Hot & Dangerous
Live Wire
Frankenstein
My Seven Mental Health Songs
MY MENTAL HEALTH JOURNEY
This week is Mental Health Awareness Week here in the UK so I thought I’d do something around mental health and something with music. But before I do that I’d like to talk a little bit about my journey with mental health and where I feel I am today. My experience with hearing voices came from an early age after an unfortunate event in my life I won’t get into but all of a sudden I was hearing voices and I was alone and in my own world for decades before I got help in 2016. But all before that I lived with hearing voices and having paranoid thoughts due to smoking the wrong weed called K2Â and other synthetic drugs I didn’t know were synthetic but that was the worse stages of the episodes and thoughts that are invading and can get quite rough. But tIt caused me to act weird which as an embarrassed teen around that time I used to cringe at my outbursts but not now I kind of look pasts that and know I don’t do that and was just the young me trying to survive in the ever-changing world. The silly thing was I never told anyone that I was hearing voices and that was because I felt safe and it was always fun to wake up to do something I was also adventurous and I still am in a way but I was always on the go and loved each day with my dog and the few people I let into my life as I was paranoid but all for the good reasons and at the end of the day kept me safe and off the hard drugs which I’ve never touched and I mean non Class A party drugs like heroin or crack. It was also some other events in my life that made the voices intense to more I’m going die vibes which were fueled by outside thoughts and people it was bad but I always fought the devils and tried to do my best till it got too much and I kind of gave up for the meantime and focused on getting my mental and health together and get over all the things that had happened in the past. In 2016 I was admitted to a hospital ward for psychosis and I’ve been taking medication ever since which helps with the irrational thoughts and the episodes which I am grateful for. I’ve built my confidence up and my memory is getting stronger as I kind of lost my memory or at least I forgot about all the good things and concentrated on the bad which suffocated me and lead me down a dark and lonely path which was hell and somewhere I won’t be going back to as I wouldn’t let it get that bad again oh no. It makes you do outrageous things and the paranoid thoughts are intense and not something I enjoyed especially when smoking weed and taking some drugs which I did bring on myself but I was self-medicating and trying to cope in my own way while making great moves in life but as I said that came as a toll which was the stresses and lifestyle choices equaled to a more unstable me but it wasn’t the work. Somehow the paranoid thoughts got worse and I could no longer feel like I could work or even get out of bed there were days when I wouldn’t even go anywhere and was too paranoid to go to anyone I thought I was being watched and thought everyone was talking about me or wanted to do some sort of harm but to be fair this started at an early age but it came back and got worse each time with stuff I was adding up that didn’t even come up to the right total and now I think about it it was common math problems but being young and unknowing it was hard to judge it right and of course, my mind wasn’t in the right place though I was pretending it didn’t exist in the most difficult situations I choose when to listen to the voices as sometimes the information must have been my sub conscious talking to me like old memories but it came in the form of people in my head talking to me and it was good and bad stuff but mainly a mix of dark and light slash funny stuff.
I have cut off a lot of people I knew in the past like old friends as I wasn’t comfortable being around them and always thought negative thoughts about how they see me and so forth which soon came with evidence now we have grown apart and it’s been a long time so it’s the time apart that did it but no one makes the effort even me as I have seen they didn’t so it was kind of like well I don’t need this and left it for them to get in touch with me if they wanted but some people I left as I do not like to be the donkey of the group and made small because of my beliefs or where I was going or even been which is not here or there but I’ve been to a lot of good places which causes a lot of hate and I have my own band of haters but we all do so apparently it’s normal. Getting rid of toxic people and being with the people that make you happy not like a piece of poop but that is something I had to do to heal myself which was a long and drawn-out process also admitting and wanting the help that comes from you and only when I was ready which was after I was admitted and I realized I couldn’t even go back to the being the local nutter and try to revert back to when I was cooler and calmer which was certain times like being on holiday where it was easy to forget the problems I had but when I didn’t go on holiday which was must years I would go for walks or go out of the city for the day but I don’t really go anywhere nowadays. I’ve been thinking recently and I’m now looking for a change I don’t want fame and never wanted fame but I do want to be comfortable like most people where I don’t have to worry about certain things. But more importantly, I’m alone and looking for something to do instead of being in my room thinking and over making music which I now want to do a bit less which means not every day but I do worry people will forget me quick so that is why I post nearly every day. I mean I do like being alone I’m used to being alone and doing something as I like to be occupied and can’t be sitting down doing anything as I might have oversaid by now but that’s the other reason. I do vow to do something about it though and have made a few arrangements that will hopefully make my life better or worse but I’m a big believer in the new start it does take some work though but when I’m on something I’m on it. The truth is I stagnated for too long and now I’m trying to break out of that shell and try and do something new and hopefully meet more friends or meet old ones but I’m way over that paranoid feeling I’m more I have to grab the bull by the horns times and do it cos I can’t keep up with the isolation routine it’s numbing but I do speak to people though. The stigma of having a mental illness is something that I have also experienced throughout my mental health experience and even though we have come a long way it still is unheard of. I feel people are undermined or looked down on if they have a mental health problem and I also feel no matter how much you hear it can happen and you bet I did it even though I was “ill” like go to university which some people are doubting me because of my illness which is why I can’t forgive these people or want to know them for any more time I mean the haters, okay but my friends and family well I’ve seen enough.
MUSIC AND MY MENTAL HEALTH
From an early age, I used music not only to express myself but also to understand my pains and problems and mental health was one thing I used a lot which started with Queen I’m Going Simply Mad but went to stuff that wasn’t really about mental health but the love fall out and other tracks which I felt helped me to understand and overcome some of my problems. This is why I believe in music healing and believe songs can unlock your heartache and cure it. Of course, the dark side to it which there was a dark side on some tracks made me think more negative let’s just say but I tend to stay away from the negative songs and concentrate on the more club and of course, the ladies in the 90s rap game which I found helped me with some of the problems like haters. I played the keyboard and write silly songs and poems about my feelings growing up and that also helped me with my problems but that was inspired by the 90s heartbreak songs the point where I felt low due to my voices in the early 90s. It wasn’t really I’m going to sit down and listen to these songs and feel I was in the room and heard it and thought how I could use more of this in my life. When I listen to music I like to remember things and think music is good for bringing back your memory and the right song like that obscure song you were obsessed about or that one-hit-wonder you used to hit the town with which puts me in a sort of delusional state as it was so long ago and a one-off moment in time you say that was the best I’ll never forget but decades down the line you can hardly remember what day it is or some times how old you are I’m now 37. There is always that one song that stays with you but there are lots of songs that can strike memories the more decades you go back you can kind of see the past but it’s a quick flash to the past sometimes I’m standing in the room and that is due to heavy isolation way before they were doing it lol. I mean I use music for everything and listen to it a lot in my downtime when I’m not making music which I also listen to but I’ve recently started getting back into music from other people like from yesteryear and beyond and it’s surprising what I remember. I have a few playlists on my hub if you want to listen to them, it’s in the Testing Site section and it’s called Jukebox. Thankfully liking music helped me grow tastes that were different but it always helped me express how I was feeling which was always a good outlet to let it all go and as I said make me remember the younger me which was a chaotic time for me. My favorite genres for helping with mental health has to be House, R’n’B, and Hip Hop, and those are the three that helped me but in earlier years dance music from the 80s to 2005 and the old house helped me to understand people. That’s the thing I also think it’s good for younger people and kids to understand the world but people I mean I can play a track and feel like they were talking about someone I knew as it was so universal in the laungeue of hate or whatever it was. I mean I feel some people look down at their nose too much House is too gay, or some R’n’B is just for the ladies it’s just music, and as long as it does something like keep you going it’s a good thing as long as you like it that’s all that matters. Â
Reggae from the 70s really helped me overcome problems I mean if you really want a genre that ticks all the boxes for mental health struggles reggae is the answer I mean it’s all about feelings and how they feel about situations and statements which I do miss having statements in fashion and in also music only cos everyone had their own identity or there were groups who dress a certain way but also have their own lifestyle. But reggae always made me happy and reminds me of a lot of good times it’s also good for chilling at home on a sunny day of course. I remember the words like kicking them to the curb which is something I still do to this day but I remember it like I was taking the advice of the drunk stranger if you excuse the phrase who would get drunk and tell you your truths as your ride home from the youth club it was sort of like that or though I thought that was a drastic thing to do at the time I got stronger. Sometimes I found myself kicking myself for not going with my gut when I listened to that one song so I did find it useful I will be like I’m going to be the next Fast Lane victim washed up on the streets and so forth or dealing with the haters which I have had a few. Listening to positive music helps with your mental health and can do great things for you I mean the one song I can think of well two actually is I Will Survive or Survoir which are two songs that seem to talk about a woman’s pains it could be anybody but granted I Will Survive is the more woman’s anthem but they are two songs anybody could listen to that will make you see the positive side if you ain’t feeling sorry for yourself and that is somewhere I have been but will never go that low again cos at the end of the day happiness does come from within and that means keeping yourself happy at all costs but not your kids though just throw that in there. I don’t really listen to sad songs when I’m down no more I just sit there it’s best not to feed it positive or negative emotion as it does lead to funny consequences and all that whatever talk just looks silly especially when you are not in the right state of mind I mean silence is something I begin to like and when I’m bored I have nothing else to do but to sit in silence but I think its good to have a bit of silence I mean I used to go the woods with my dog and just chill there and listen to the birds and watch the sky it’s really nice to get out and enjoy nature and have that alone time-space you probably won’t found in a city but that could be listening to music too. What I also like about music and mental health is it brings people together and it’s easier to talk about your problems there have been times in the past where I’ve seen a comment a low person on a sad song but it was either a desperate cry for attention or just someone lost but I was taken back by the sensible responses to the post and be like it’s still a caring world or it was now it’s getting sinister and remotely childish but less said about that but that’s the other thing social media is draining our souls and trust me I love all the platforms even though I’m never or never will be on them as I would probably struggle to found an audience and also I’m really not looking for celebrity status lol which I’m not saying I would have but I’m happy working in the back it somewhere I’ve always been in the back doing something either something that seemed pointless or something creative. I will leave a playlist that has a mental health theme to it and there is a couple about being lonely which goes with this year’s mental health theme which started yesterday 09/05/2022 and runs for a week here in the UK but there is a World Mental Health Day on the 10th October so if I can I do another blog post as it’s something close to my heart. hopefully, there’s a theme you know I love my themes and always doing something theme-based or I used to do.      Â
That 80s & 90s Thing (Audio Blog)
Top 5 Favourite Synth Plugins
Synth Heaven
I’ve got a few synthesizers plugins now and I thought I do my top five of the ones I use and really like. They are an arm and a leg some of them in fact nearly all but I do think they are worth it and when you have them you can get a lot of use out of them and can reuse parts if needed to but there is so much selection you never go back to the old sounds. I like the old synths myself the original hard hitters and even though they are replicated you can still get good sounds out of them depending on what genres you make you will find a lot of good sounds but I make mostly synthy stuff from synthwave to vaporwave to generally synthy music which hasn’t really got a genre but inspiration from other genres all mixed with a bit of what I call a Hip Hop drum beat but I do make normal patterns as well but I like to experiment with drums and the synths itself. As I said probably a million times before I love my synthesizers and have always been obsessed with them from an early age and like dark and light sounds but I do like thick basses and dark and moody basses I like those also subs obviously the sub is the easiest to work with. Anyway here’s my top five synths I use and really love with some tracks I made all used with the same plugin for each plugin I used and there are two tracks per plugin so ten altogether.Â
#5. Uhe - Diva/£179
Diva The is a good synth plugin and has some good sounds in there, especially the laid-back sounds similar to Omishphere but do the same job as in relaxing mellow vibes. It has dark and moody basses to which I love and also some edgy synth sounds which I also like about the synths as dark and edgy is what I like to make but as I said I like to make nice mellow soft beats too. The synth is a analogue synth and is an emulator of the analogue era and comes with loads of filters and knobs to turn to tweak the sounds which are also a good feature but I’m too impressed with the sounds and make them in the box. It does have a high CPU usage so a computer with good ram and hard drive space is needed it works better on a desktop computer rather than a laptop. Here are two tracks used with the synth plugin you can download the tracks for free the link with will at the bottom of this post or on the track itself in the player.
#4. Artuia - Vocoder V3/£199
The Vocoder V is a good synth plugin and though it doesn’t have the choices of different sounds and is minimal what it has is great for retro genres and can make some good tracks out of them, it does cost a bit on its own but if you head over to splice.com you can get a good price a rent to own system where you pay $24.99 a month until you pay it off you get the Vocoder V and also a whole bunch of other synths to put into your mixes. I mean the V collection from Arturia is one of my favourites and there is a lot to choose from and just what I look for as I make retro genres but also spice the synths up with some new flavors I just put together. I notice there was a unique sound used or was similar to something that was used in famous Jungle tracks in the 90s and I didn’t use it in the example I used it a few times and got a good result out of it but I didn’t release it as it sounded like the old stuff I love and heard from earlier artists. As I said it doesn’t have a lot of selection but what it does have is worth putting in and works well for Electro Funk and other genres like that.
#3. Artuia - Arp 2600 V3/£149
If you are looking for a dark and moody synth that is also light and warm the Arp 2600 is the one for you and has a good selection of both dark and light sounds I like to use or I used to use a lot in my tracks. It has a good selection of basses and sequencers that you will be lost in I know I was. It has a lot of knobs and things to tweak which I don’t like to use and also it has its own sequencer built-in which you can use on any sound you choose all the Arturia products have that feature built-in. Like all the products featured in this list they are great for other genres this one I noticed was good for Drum and Bass and Jungle which is surprising as it’s an old synth and is a replica of the original Arp 2600 which was out in the 70s. It has some really good thick basses that remind me of Progressive Rock Basses and G Funk which I always loved. The Arp 2600 comes with the V collection on Splice.com and can be rent to own like all of the Artuia products on here. I find this synth works well with retro genres but also Halloween projects which I like to do around that time of year and the most surprising it makes okay House tracks but not anything current these are retro synths.Â
#2. Uhe - Repro/£149
Repro is a great synth and comes in two Repro 1 and Repro 5 so two for one you know I love a good bargain. It has a lot of great choices and has everything from bass to strings like all the products listed here. The synth has knobs to turn to modify the sounds and also has its own built-in sequencer for those not listed under the sequencer page. The synth has some great sounds and I used it a lot in older works, especially an album called Racial Harmony but it was under a different title before I thought how special the plugin was and I used it a lot in some of the new works but gave it a rest for a while to give the other synths a chance. I like how there are two plugins to choose from and the amount of good sounds there were and also used it on Rebitten By The Lizard album I made quite a while ago now which can all be found on my Bandcamp page. The sounds you get I found were hard-hitting and edgy and I love that kind of thing but also it has some mellow strings and other mellow sounds for those downtempo tracks. It does have a retro feel to it and I’m not sure what else it is good for as I only use it for synthy stuff but I’m sure it’s good for other genres too.Â
#1 Artuia - Mini V3/£149
In at number one, my favourite synth plugin has to the Mini V3 and has a lot of thick basses and nice synths to put into your mix. I’ve made my best tracks with this synth and I think there is something special about it that brings something to the table or maybe it’s just my musical taste. My favourite parts are the basses and the synths which are thick dark and light which is an example on the first track of this section. It has a lot of Progressive Rock-like tones and also some weird and strange sounds that I think it’s appealing to the ear or again it could be my musical taste. It has a lot to choose from and I remember when I first got it I was lost on the number of basses or sounds that I would choose from and I tend to use this quite a lot or did in the past but again I retired it for a while to make way for some other sounds as it can sound a bit samey if you put too much in an album or EP or whatever. I like the whole sound of it and put this at number one as it’s my most used synth plugin and something I go back to even if it’s just for the bass or another part that I like, and it’s an old synth to the original Mini by Moog from the 70s and has been reincarnatedÂ
Why I Love 80’s Music
Some say the 80s music wasn’t that good and was naff which I beg to differ and think there were loads of songs out that were good and tracks I still like to this day. I was born in the 80s and even though I was too young to remember or understand the context of tracks I still enjoyed them and the more I got older the more I understood and realized how good music was. I make music in my spare time and I feel if it wasn’t for the 80s and 90s my music taste would have been different and is where I get my obsession with synthesizers which is 70s too and House which was the 80s phenomenon that exploded and is still here and are the most popular and influential genre that and Drum & Bass. What I also liked about the 80s music was the fact there was so much good stuff and seemed the world was making music there was so much obscure stuff not just from your favorite artists but people you would have never heard of or heard of again yes there was a lot of one-hit wonders and some of them was naff but the beats though. That reminds me people say or said that some of it was too naff and the content was a bit cheesy but the beats were classic and seemed like Electro-Funk but I love my Rare Groove the hits that came from that genre alone which know seems like 80s Pop but whatever it was still good no matter how cheesy it seemed to people. Even though I listened to the mainstream on the radio and tapes and later CD there was a lot of underground artists that I used to listen to from the Electro-Funk and New Groove genres going from pillar to post I heard a lot of music some I would never hear again until I come across it someday like some of them thanks for sharing them. How innocent it was there was no swearing or sex overdrive content which is happening now and all over the place but there would have been a Mary Whitehouse figure who would have brought down the hammer and made actions against this new crisis swiping our neighbourhood. Compared to 90s music where it had a dramatic revamp with gangster rap and R’n’B which I’m surprised some of the lyrics got through as they were racy back then it was all love and candles and wetness but yes compared to the 90s 80s music seemed innocent and all fun and energetic which is why I love 80s music as a whole it was lively not all of it though there was a lot of ballads too which I also like. I have to say it was quite stylish which was fitting for the era and there was a lot of fashion moments from the 80s that people still wear today and it comes back around but it wasn’t the best era for fashion I mean bright colors and baggy stuff and big hair it was all about the hair, hair was a big thing back then. Â
The thing that really impressed me and is what I love is Electro Funk and Electro Boogaloo that is my obsession and is something I really love but never can find the right tracks. When I was younger I used to listen to them and think I will make something like this one day and I do every now and then at least the backdrop to the songs but I love Electro from the 80s and I’m still not sure what to call it as it has rap in but it’s listed under something else stuff like off Wildstyle off GTA Vice City that is my favorite genre from the 80s and I can listen to that all day. The main artist I listened to when I was younger was the four main artists from the 80s Michael Jackson, Madonna, and Prince and Queen but all the artists from the early 80s and 70s and 60s were the main four I listened to a lot. There are tracks that I got bored of though and that’s thanks to radio play and overplaying it myself I won’t name any names but there are a few I no longer play and retired for now. In my spare time, I liked to hunt for obscure tracks I had forgotten and go through lists of tracks to find the best ones which take a lot of time but it’s worth it I feel. I remember Sundays being Top 40 on the radio and Friday was Top Of The Pops which were two shows I used to tune into and did for two decades before it got boring and I had other options but Friday and Sunday were the music days for me. Other than New Groove, Electro, and Rap I love 80s House and there is so much of it that was released from 1985 onwards and I noticed but never released that the tracks from the 80s were rereleased from 2011 and were some of the most famous House tracks. The rave scene that populated the mid-80s which is still a living thing till this day but more over ground was a once in a lifetime thing and though it is long gone it is remembered by some as the most memorable thing to come out of the 80s with the music scene that went alongside it and if it wasn’t for the Chicago House scene there wouldn’t be much of a House scene at the very least as there was a lot of genres that was made during or after House that populated rave scenes but House was the first scene to break into this world.
Subscribe to my channel1
/
3
Guy – Groove Me
Rene & Angela – I'll Be Good
I Feel for You
Love Come Down (12" Version)
The model – Kraftwerk
New Order – Blue Monday
Laser – Laser (1981)
Ralphi Rosario – You Used To Hold Me
Jamie Jupitor – Computer Power (HD) – 1984
1
/
3
That 80’s & 90’s Thing
Man, I miss the old days no offensive kids but it was a lot more fun and fewer laws even though I was still a child in the 90s I did witness and take part in some great stuff that is sadly no longer allowed all these laws it’s a nanny state. Anyway, this ain’t a moan about how life is crap now cos the law and governments drained all the fun from the earth which they didn’t it was time that did it as things have moved on and are noted to be more drama central and got weirder after the 2010s but it has been interesting and fun a few no they didn’t and a few jeez someone get me out of here this is a disaster but we all hold on to our mental well being even though I do work hard and I am always up or staying awake but I do get my beauty sleep as we all know that one must be practised well. There are a lot of things you can’t do now and I feel it’s too restricted people need to let their hair down in many different ways but camping and raving are two things that come to mind when it’s time to let your hair down sitting at home are boring but not with a computer but it’s always good to go out and see and meet new people seems like a same old conversation but it’s true and being restricted it’s harder to do that. Maybe you are lucky and you have a nice mayor, government, and police with fair laws like the Netherlands where it’s relaxed but strict here in the UK we have restrictions like no camping, no illegal raves, and no trespassing on private land which for a hiker like me it’s a burden keep saying is this field it’s a field and it’s going towards a nice scenic walk can we have our freedom back please as I’m starting to wear a tin hat…not really lol but really! I would say things are more acceptable but it’s kind of vice versa and things are accepted and not accepted but it’s good there is more we are here kind of attitude and people who are nonbinary and the LBGT community have taken a bolder stance in the last decade for the good and bad though there has been a lot of hate mail I know I shouldn’t laugh at after a while it got kind of overbearing, I bring that up as the famous song Relax in the ’80s wasn’t received well by all and was another hate train only the anything before the 2010s where it was more relaxed no pun intended but anything before that it was all wrong and shunned upon I noticed that in the media. I got to say being in the now is great downloads, internet access, a portal to your dreams basically as anything is possible and even though it was still possible the chances of hitting targets if you hustle hard cos closed mouths don’t get fed in boulevard lol but seriously though that ain’t a joke.
Â
I do miss being young I was always about music, games, technology, and writing fan mail to my favourite artists which started after and my best friend at the time made a scrapbook of cutouts that featured TLC and another artist I think Snoop Dogg they were out the Top Of The Pops and Smash Hits Magazines either one or the other or both but that was another thing I used to buy you don’t get any more do they even make The Source anymore I know NME is still going strong another good magazine I thought it was just rock stuff I called it the rock non-rock magazine. Talking about Top Of The Pops that’s another thing I miss can you imagine the WAP song on there and they say Relax was too sexed-up Another thing I miss is Slush Puppies my favourite was Cherry or Raspberry which gave you brain freeze more than Cherry and it reminds me of playing in Blaize Castle Park where the van always used to be by the park or in the car park or near the woods sometimes. They probably weren’t healthy for you and the amount of sugar that went in one cup is ridiculous but it gave me the energy lol high on the slush puppy. I don’t miss going to school but I do miss my school friends and the fun we used to have I wished I was an adult as there were a lot of fun things floating around for the adults and kids too but there were a lot of free things floating around I mean who remembers having a free domain and website no package or money needed that was around 1998 but I was just a kid who was overwhelmed by all the things you had to do to run your own site which I got a lot of tips from my dad’s friends and people who I knew that helped me launch my site as in getting it in the cloud the hardest bit of the whole process. Also, the internet as we know was slow and took ages with that horrible noise when it used to dial I’ll never miss that it now reminds me of fallout of some sort and probably an SOS signal as when I was still in school there was a mini explosion at a plant not so far from the city and I got home and I put on the internet and spooked myself from that day on but it gives me a good idea for a track or an EP of some sort.Â
Â
The music was great too as I said I was too young to understand lyric content but I knew a great beat when I saw one and that probably is why I try to make the best every time as the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s were good eras for music. I’m kind of obsessed with synthesizers and I wouldn’t like to blame the ’70s and 80s music in particular but 90s and later too but also Motown, Reggae, and Funk from the 60s and 70s I’ll admit it I love music and was obsessed with it now I enjoy making music rather than listen to it but I listen to current songs too from the last couple of years to see who is new and hot so to speak but I love my classics from the ’60s onwards. Music has changed dramatically and it ain’t all have a nice day attitude which is all good but I do miss the innocent songs even though I thought they were a little corny I still love them. Got to love being in the now though with all that old and new music we have at our fingertips but again going to the record shop to buy the single you craved right now I miss and I spent a lot of pocket money and when I was working too on singles and albums from shops that are no more. All in the good old Walkman the thing that kept me going and I always had one near me even though it was a cheap thing it still worked though it always fell out of my pocket until I noticed and secured it so this one wouldn’t break so easily. The amount of time I spent making mixtapes and taping off the radio with my few tapes and a boombox, a kids radio set at one point. I did kind of overdid it with the taping but there were so many good songs out that they would play I kind of had to limit myself to the number of tracks as I only had a few tapes and they were expensive to buy wow over my pocket money in the early days but more affordable as time went on.
Lizard Holiday Experience
It Was Nice And Nice Weather Too
Holiday Gallery
Rebitten By The Lizard Visual Mix
Points Of Interests
The map wasn’t drawn by me and was my dear friend Artic Fox who I went on holiday with in 2017.